The sound of pulling up to Wawa in Pottstown, PA, waiting in the parking lot. I can hear the faint voices and chatter of others outside. It's the sound of normal, familiarity. Only this time I open my eyes and I'm not anywhere near where I imagined. I'm im an unfamiliar car. I see shopping centers in Thai language. I see the Big C shopping center. I see my girlfriend coming towards the car, who I'd usually see Jake, my Dad, sister or mom. These people, these places, and these sounds all familiarize themselves with each other in my head. I realize I've started to become comfortable in my current stage. Things seem normal. Nothing is extravagant anymore. I didn't think that day would come but without any hesitation, it crept up while I was sleeping and found its way under my eyelids. All without a peep. Monks collecting food offerings in the morning from the general public has turned into a type of traffic jam for me, rather than a novelty. The appreciation is nothing less than before, I just have a new mission every day. It's to get to work. To school. To the kids.
I remember my first few days at work. I walked in to the canteen and grabbed a fork to eat. A line of M girls (high school) were laughing at me. One girl gains the courage to come over and says, 'teacher...' And quickly tosses a spoon into my food on my plate. I laughed and said thank you. Though, I hadn't known the reason why she did that, my fork was fine. As I looked around I noticed everyone eating with a spoon as their main utensil and a fork as the guide.
It was a hysterical, and sweet moment.
Throughout the last year I've learned so much about communication. Language barriers, language similarities, language itself. I've learned about sounds, phonics, grammar, tone, and many more aspects of communication. I've become a master of charades. You will lose if you play me. I'm being cocky. Try explaining 'cocky' to non native speakers without laughing. Turns out most kids know all the bad words before everything else.. I guess I can't blame them. I know many bad Thai words too.
I've been teaching in a school that is part of a chain. Assumption. There are many Assumption schools around Thailand. I am at Assumption Suksa. These chain of schools are extremely well known. I've heard many people say it's part of the top 5 schools in Bangkok. (I'm assuming school chains because I know a few Assumption schools that are of higher standards than mine.)
I've learned how to handle over 300+ girl students in all my classes, manage grades somehow, and have seen improvement and confidence boosts in the students.
I always thought teaching would be a great job. I thought I'd like it but wasn't sure how much. I LOVE this job. I am told often I work too much. Friends in different schools, my girlfriend, etc..
I am never scared of hard work. Annoyed sometimes, yes.. But in the end, it feels good. In fact, sometimes I wish I did more! I truly wish I had more time so I can do more for these kids.
After my first semester teaching and watching some of my first students graduate, I decided to stay. This time it's in my favor. Math is back. I love math. I love pi. I love teaching math. I now teach over 200 primary (elementary) girls mathematics in English. I also teach high school girls conversation. I also continue my extra classes on weekends at Inlingua, and private sessions in my condo.
Back to comfort..
The times I hear these noises, the familiar ones from home, make me extremely comfortable, homesick, and scared all at the same time. I left home for teaching and finding something more for me, something challenging, something different... If it's becoming too normal, am I going to find myself in the same situation? Will this be a never ending cycle?..
All I know now, as I lay here in my $175 a month condo in one of SE Asia's most well known city's, is that I continue to learn one thing. How to appreciate everything, everyone, and every experience more and more. I may get bored but it proves I'm learning and experiencing things. I'm able to compare and contrast. I'm able to see the similarities and create my own comfort.
A thought I had a while ago, but didn't know how to put it into context... In a search for happiness, when you finally get there.. do it all again.
The hardest part, now that I'm used to it.. Is the constant silence from your friends and family. Here, I understand that they, over there, have jobs and lives of their own. Even if I were there now, it wouldn't be like I can see them every day, or when I want to. It sure would be easier though. The time zones.. I can't express the jealousy, guilt, shame, loneliness, and forgotten feelings I have when I see the get togethers, the parties, the jokes, the laughs. My communication is at an all time low. I haven't seen or spoken to some family and friends in over a year. The worst feeling of it all is that I don't blame them. I get it. It's my decision, but I can't help it. It's a mind game. Sometimes it's a battle against yourself. So, I watch documentaries, look at pictures, and read from what gives me my drive. I educate myself on poverty, on child soldiers, on human trafficking, AIDS, international education standards, etc..
I am moving forward. As much as I hate myself for thinking negatively and feeling down, especially about those close to me.. I will not fall to believe our relationships are weaker than the one, two, or however many years I'm away. Maybe it's that their year goes by faster than mine, or maybe mine goes super slow. Maybe it's a gap in the space time continuum.
To my brothers at home. Don't forget we rotate our rings when we're together.
Venture on, and don't let happiness stop you from a whole other type of happiness. It doesn't stop if you find it once. You can rediscover it an infinite number of times. At least for me, I feel that.
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